Thursday, January 24, 2013

A Marriage Revolution?

So this might just be revolutionary .

Fix your marriage by not focusing on the problems.

Work on building up new strengths. Work on building up your spouse. Work on making your marriage stronger than it is.

And then something amazing happens: lots of those problems you thought would never get worked out disappear. Don't focus on working out who did what and said what when, who's hurting whom and who has the biggest load to bear.

Because when you're dividing up and pointing fingers, it only tears down a marriage. Work on building new strength and new value.

Smile more. Seriously, just smile.

Just smiling more can improve your marriage. Really. Even if you don't feel like smiling. Smiling elevates mood and they are contagious.

It's the opposite of what most marriage counselors will do. Most go back and dig up the past. Old wounds surface and it all feels too hard. But there's another way.

 I can't believe I haven't really thought of this before. And I can't take credit for it now. I stumbled on this marriage website. I found it by accident and subscribed to see what it was about. I was pleasantly surprised. Mort actually offers an email subscription for free marriage help. I expected it to be nothing new. Just the usual "counselor" type answers... but I was wrong. I've gotten maybe 15 or more emails offering good advice. Advice that works.

{The emails are free but he also is promoting his course and phone counseling services through the emails, but through the same emails as the advice comes so it doesn't flood your inbox. I can't personally comment on any of the services offered on the website besides the emails, but if you're looking for marriage help and counseling isn't your thing...this just may be for you.}

Of course! It's so simple. He says focus on loving well not being justified. Focus on pulling up the other and things will go well. But focus on proving your point and being right and things will not. He points out that a spouse can impact a marriage even on his or her own, just being responsible for yourself.

If we can forget about fixing and going back deconstructing all the past mistakes and bad habits and instead focus on making new good habits and memories we use our energy to create instead of blame, to love instead of feeling justified, to build rather than stay stuck. Of course there are sometimes that issues must be worked out, but that's not the focus.

I'm thinking how I've forgotten this. I'm thinking how this isn't easy but that it's most certainly right. I'm thinking how this is what God says marriage is: laying your life down for another. A life lived well is a life lived purposeful, lived low, lived humble.

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