Sunday, September 23, 2012

Utterances of God

I struggle some times. I struggle with keeping it together. I struggle with keeping calm when emotions run high. When I feel things are beyond my control, I tend to come apart. My perspective gets all warped. I don't see the grace, the good. My words begin to match how I feel, spiraling and frustrated. I tend to say things I truly don't mean. Harsh things. Mean things. And then the guilt sets in. That guilt grips me and I so regret it all.

I'm struggling with my mouth and self control and then I read this...

 1 Peter 4:10 
Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God; whoever serves, let him do so as by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. 

Let him speak the utterances of God.The utterances of God. And Whoever serves, let him do it with the strength that God supplies. Why? So in all things God may be glorified. 

Speak as if I'm speaking God's words and serve so He may be glorified. 

I can speak God words and serve with strength that God supplies.

So I'm learning (and falling and laying down the guilt and getting up and trying again, all the while still learning).

 I'm learning that keeping emotions in check (and not just pushing them so far down that they resurface with a vengeance at a very inopportune time) is another way to serve those around me. I'm learning that I need to hold my tongue, keep quiet, be slow to speak. I'm learning how to recognize when I may be most likely to fall, and attempt to head those emotions off at the pass. Many times I don't succeed. But there's progress.

If I'm honest with myself, if I'm serious about getting this under control then I need to make changes. If rushing out the door can cause me to crack then I need to not be rushing. I need to get up earlier, be better prepared and give my kids the calm mama that I intend to be. If veering off schedule and feeling the weight of the to do list makes me tense and unkind, then don't I have a responsibility to keep the list doable? To stay on schedule? To be self disciplined enough to give my family what they need?

My book club friends and I are reading Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions. Lysa is brave to tell her unglued moments to world. She does a great job reminding me I'm not alone in my feeling unglued. She also does a great job reminding me that there is hope...even for a mess like me. Hope because of the strength god provides.

This vocation of mine, this calling, my life's work: mothering, it's taught, shown me, revealed to me more than any other aspect of my life. Motherhood has unearthed parts of me that I didn't know existed.. These souls in my care how they constantly and consistently require me to bend and serve and go lower. It has stretched me, is continually training me and is keeping me limber and just sore enough to know that something is happening, that work is being done. Work in the deepest places. Work in my soul.

 With God's strength to utter God's words I can bend and serve and love better. Mother better.

3 comments:

  1. Quick to listen, slow to speak, quick to forgive are a few things I've been working on recently. Reading this blog helped motivate me to continue my efforts.
    I've gotten so many "gifts" from reading your blog, I finally have one to share with you. When you find the time you should read a book that I'm re-reading years apart. It's called The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children by Steven W. Vannoy.
    Let me know what you think.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the recommendation. I'll check it out :)

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  2. "Keeping me limber...just sore enough to know that something is happening..." Yes! May we keep pushing on, keep trying to change and grow as He wants us to be!

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