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Sometimes it seems like all I hoping for and reaching for remains just out of my grasp. Just far enough away that I can see it but I just can't seem to get hold of it. A cleaner house. A calmer self. Being a better wife, mother I'm on my tip toes trying, reaching...failing.
Then sometimes I think I have it and I hold on so tight. Sometimes I hold and can't let go. Keeping my kids close. Keeping them safe. Keep it all going. The juggling. Never letting anything fall. Sometimes I'm so scared what could happen, what would happen if if loosened my grip, even just a little bit. So I hold on for dear life.
But see all the reaching and holding on like that is exhausting. And really what do I think I can control?? I foolishly think that holding on so tight or trying to make everything just so will keep us all safe. But what do I really know?
I need to stay planted in right here. I need to loosen my grip, give up the control I think I have. Let Him work. The only thing I need to reach for, the only thing I need to grasp at is Him.