Sunday, April 1, 2012

Anger and the Real Me

I read Jess's post over at Making Home. It struck a nerve. It was good though. Just what I needed to read about anger and short tempers....and maybe, just maybe my kids' bickering and discontentment is just a magnification of my own. {sigh}. I yell. Way too often. I wrote a Five Minute Friday about just that. But this week I was no better. I do have some anger issues. I have a temper that needs to settle. I thought it had gotten better over the last couple of years but I think I was ignoring  my problem instead of dealing with it.

Jess quoted John Piper, saying "Being someone different when you think no one else is looking is functional atheism.  God is always there."

So yes, I'm angry and I'm angry much too often. I'm angry about the children and their childish complaints. I get angry when things don't go the way I planned. I get angry when things don't go my way. Even when I'm angry but I don't let it show, when I'm just grumbling on the inside, it's still wrong. I get angry when I'm afraid that, despite my best efforts, everything will turn out a wreck. And I'm not just angry but I'm full of discontent and complaints about what is. 

I think I sometimes forget that if I want to be who I want to be then I need to work at it. I need to consciously acknowledge my problem, confess it, pray over it, lean in hard to my God, and actively choose different behavior.  Actively choose. Because I always have a choice.

James 1:19-20 This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
Ephesians 4:26-27 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.
I can choose to deep breathe and prayer over frustration and clenched fists. 
I can choose to speak kind words to my husband instead grumbling complaints.
I can choose to stop and address my son's heart instead of snap at him for his behavior to change.
I can choose to remember that these boys are children and they WILL behave childishly at times.
I can choose to preserve their little self esteem (and our precious relationship) by keeping my tongue still when I'm frustrated.
I can choose to take that frustration to God, since HE can take it and only He can truly change a heart. 

So I will. I'm choosing behavior and thoughts that will honor my God and my family. I'm choosing to go to Him. 

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