Friday, October 7, 2011

That saved a Wretch Like Me

I'm feeling so wrong. This week wasn't very good. This week I wasn't very good. I fell so short of who I set out to be. I reacted instead of loved. I yelled instead of corrected. I didn't build up these little souls trusted to my care. My youngest son said today "I'm the worst kid". That was my fault. I made him feel that way. My words and actions made my son feel not good enough. That moment did it for me though. I sat with him on the couch and told how sorry I was that my words made him feel that way, how much he means to me, and how Jesus helps us be more than just good enough.

Those words spoken by my sweet six year old, that brought the word wretch to mind. How much grace does it take to keep me right where I am this minute? How much grace have I offered these little boys?

We got "back to school" with a bang this year. Our first year of reporting and I was gonna get it right: schedules, lesson plans, staying on track. But something is still missing. Getting it all done has become my focus and it never has before. I'm thinking of my boys' faces and I'm feeling so convicted. That weekly lesson plan has been more important than our relationship, more important than them. 

I'm so thankful it's October and I'm getting this. It would be worse if it were December...or June.

All that beautiful grace that saves me job is to give that to them, to let it pass right through me. The finished to do list means nothing if I give up our relationship. The math facts and vocabulary memorized are pointless if they don't feel their Father's love and acceptance come from me.

His Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...

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